Seeing, Really Seeing
by IssaLee
Summary: She will never know why I do these things to her, and I pray Selene that she never does. A One-Shot turned two-part, into Chibiusa's mind during the R breakup. -COMPLETE-
1. Secrets

Ok, this is a one-shot, and I was inspired by the ending of my other fic, Reflections of a Broken Mind. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, but I do own some of Chibiusa's friends.

**

* * *

June 23rd**

I saw Usagi-chan today. She was out walking with Rei-chan, and they were smiling. Not like me. I don't smile when I'm alone.

I hug Luna-P closer to my body, and feel the soft velvet of her ears against my skin. I can't stay in this tree for long; the branches are scratching my skin. I jump down, and Luna-P becomes an umbrella to help me float.

Luna-P. She's like a best friend to me. I remember when I got her, for my two hundredth birthday. Mommy and Ami-chan worked hard on it, and Puu even gave Luna-P some of her special gifts.

"Chibiusa?"

I don't want to turn around. I don't want to see her face. But I do anyway, and there is a fake smile on my face.

"Hi there, Usagi-chan and Rei-chan! How are you?"

Rei-chan looks uneasy. I know she can see I'm faking, but I don't linger on her eyes for long.

"Daijobu. And you, Chibiusa?" Why is she looking at me like that? I smile up at her blue eyes, but I center in on her forehead.

"Daijobu." I have to get her away…and here's my chance, walking back to me. "Mamo-chan and I just came to get some ice cream." Her face crumples, and I see Rei glare at me.

"Have…fun." Her voice is faint, and Rei pulls her away.

"Was that Usako?" Mamorou-san walks up to me and hands me a chocolate cone. I nod.

"Hai. She was just talking to me." He turns around and begins to walk down the park path. I stare at Usagi's retreating back for a little bit longer. "Gomen."

Then I run, and I grab Mamorou-san's hand in my own. I can feel her eyes boring a hole into my back. Never mind. She doesn't understand now, but later…

I am sitting on the floor of my attic room, and I'm looking into Luna-P's eyes.

"I wish I could tell her he still calls her Usako, even when she's not around." It is time for my daily confessions. These are the only ways I can keep the secrets. "I wish I could tell her he still loves her. I wish I could tell her…she's my mommy."

Oh yes. I know. I'm not stupid; I am almost three hundred years old after all! Usagi is my mama, and Mamorou is my papa. But they can't know. Because Puu says they can't.

Puu is another friend of mine. She told me a secret I'm not supposed to tell anyone, not even Luna-P. So I'm gonna hold it in. I'm not gonna tell anyone.

"Chibiusa, you little spore, did you take my stuffed animals again?"

I know Shingo took them. I know he hid them in the washing machine, and I know he's out at baseball practice right now. I don't say anything, and I hear her footsteps coming. I steel myself.

"Alright, hand them over!"

"Usagi no baka!" The words sting my mouth even as I say them. "Why would I want your raggedy old bunnies?"

She pouts, and I see a wrinkle appear in her forehead. "Little Spore, give them back!"

"Iie, baka, I don't want you to have them!" I am not lying; I never said I took them.

'Chibiusa, you little twerp, give them back!"

"Go away!" I run forward and push her, and slam the door in her face. She pounds on it for a few moments, then gives up and leaves. I hold onto Luna-P and will the tears away.

**

* * *

June 24th**

It's raining. Usagi hates rainstorms, and she's staying inside. I hate them too. I don't want to be here.

Ikuko-mama and Kenji-papa took Shingo to his baseball game, but it rained so hard they had to stay at a friends. Usagi and I are alone, for tonight. Luna is at Minako's.

I whimper into the cushions on the couch when lightning strikes. It's dark, and only at six.

"Chibiusa-chan?" She stands over me, and I gulp. Did she hear me whimper?

"I just wanted to say…Gomen for yesterday. I found out Shingo did it."

I nod, and bury myself more into the coverlet on the couch. She stands there, unsure of what to do. I don't want to be alone tonight…not tonight. If I act like I want to act for a while, just until the storm is over, it won't make a big difference.

"Usagi-chan?" I say the name I call her only in my head. She looks over in surprise. "Usagi-chan, how high is the water?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. Let's go see!" I like the way she says let's. Both of us, it means. She and I tiptoe to the other side of the living room, and peer outside. Neither of us says a word. The water is rising, and fast. In a few minutes, it will probably be spilling under the door.

"I'm afraid, Usagi-chan." She puts an arm around my shoulders, and I smile happily.

"It'll be ok, Chibiusa-chan. I'm sure it will be." There is a crack of lightning, and the lights go out. I scream.

A few moments later, I realize Usagi is rocking me back and forth, whispering to me. Just like Mama does…But she is my mama, right? So it would make sense. We hear a gurgling noise, and with the dim moonlight I can see water coming in under the door.

"The stairs, Chibiusa, the stairs!" Usagi whispers in my ear. We both jump up and run upstairs. Usagi stops in her room to grab a few things, but then we go up to my attic room.

We have tried the phone; it is dead. Usagi holds up the communicator, and I realize she's not as stupid as I thought her to be.

She punches in a few numbers, and I see a fuzzy Minako appear. "Minako-chan, our house is flooding! Where are you?"

I hear her reply, although it is kind of staticky. "We're all at Rei-chan's. Ami was on her way back from the library, and Mako and me were coming from the Crown. Why weren't you there?"

Usagi shakes her head. "Chibiusa would have been by herself. I don't want to leave her alone!"

I want to hug her right then. She really does care for me. Then I realize; she has a communicator! Just like he Sailor Senshi! Could she be…? But soon, I shake the idea away. Japan has a lot of new technology. This could be a really cool walkie-talkie or something.

Then the screen goes blank. I can hear Usagi-chan's moan as she tries desperately to make it work. But there is nothing. We are alone.

She chooses to sit on my bed, and she stares out of the window. I say nothing. Silence is better than our traded insults. As if reading my mind, she turns to me.

"Do you hate me, Chibiusa?" I am almost too shocked to say anything. But I manage to squeak it out.

"Iie."

She doesn't look convinced. "Then why are you so mean to me? The constant harassment about my intelligence, my klutziness, and even about Mamo-chan being gone!"

I try to stop the tears from coming. It's not fair. I can't tell her…

"Why?" She's crying too. This rain is going to drive us crazy. "I'm in enough pain as it is without you making it harder! And it's ever since you came too, that he treats me like this!"

I can't help it. I taste the saltiness on my face, and shudder. "Gomen, Usagi-chan." She hears me, but she is not appeased.

"Chibiusa, that's not enough! I want to know, right now, why do you hate me?"

_I can't say. Pluto says I can't say._

"I order you to answer me." I want to smile right now, and laugh loudly. An order from her overrides any of Pluto's. I sit quietly, and watch as her shaking form stills, and she turns back to the window. Then, I start to talk.

"You know I come from the future, right?" She doesn't nod, but I know she knows. She and the others were talking about me before, I heard them. "Well, you know the Sailor Senshi?" She stiffens, and a small nod greets my words.

"In the future, a thousand years from now, they and their leader, my mama, make a new place. It's called Crystal Tokyo, and everyone is at peace. The world looks better, and nicer…" I struggle to find how to explain it, and then I see Luna-P floating in front of Usagi, showing her pictures.

"My mommy and daddy rule the world, Usagi-chan. But they're in trouble, so they sent me away." I pause here, not sure of what to say.

"Is that the reason?" Her voice is quiet, and I almost don't hear it.

"Iie. As the Neo-Princess, I was expected to be a lady…I wasn't good at that. The other kids…they laughed at me. I didn't have any friends." I'm fidgeting now. "And me… my mommy had blond hair, but then it changed kinda silver. My daddy has black, almost purple hair. They both have blue eyes."

'How…?" She is looking at me carefully, in the dark, and then her eyes widen in shock. "Oh…Chibiusa…"

"They said I was not my father's daughter. They said my mommy had had an affair with someone else. They called me names…" A lump rose in my throat, and I pushed it down. "I was so miserable. Then one sailor senshi," Enter Pluto, I thought. "One sailor senshi felt sorry enough for me to show me and explain why I looked so different. But it was awful, and I saw how much pain I caused…"

"W—What do you mean?" Usagi was half crying too. I curled myself into a ball, not wanting to see anyone, especially not her.

"When I was born, I came early. My mommy was dying, and they made my daddy choose whom to save. He couldn't…he was having so much trouble. Then I came out, and my hair was a soft blond, and my eyes were sky blue. But I was dying, and they couldn't save me. My mommy—she took one look at me and said that she would do whatever it took to save me."

There was silence, except for the rain splattering against the window. Usagi prompted me, silently.

"She used her power, she gave me life. But she was giving me so much to stay alive… so all the sailor senshi joined in, giving more power to me. Because I was getting so many different auras, my hair began to change, mixing around. My eyes did the same, and at first they were brown, then they became a deep red. Then, when I started crying, the senshi all fell over. My mommy closed her eyes, and they wouldn't wake up."

"Did they…die?" Usagi ventured, scared for her friends. I shook her head.

"Iie. But they were asleep for days afterward. When they woke up, they began acted like normal, but they were much weaker then they let on to be. It was my fault…because when the enemy came, they hadn't gotten all their powers back, my mommy was trapped in a huge crystal box, and my daddy fell asleep and wouldn't wake up. He's alive…but I don't know for how long. And it's all my fault."

At this, I began to sob. I was surprised when Usagi suddenly wrapped her arms about me, and hugged me tightly. I snuggled in deeper into her arms.

"Chibiusa?" I looked up. "What about Sailor Moon? Is she in the future?" I could see the fright in her eyes, and I realized why she was so afraid.

"You're Sailor Moon…" She hesitated, and then nodded. My mama was Sailor Moon! That meant my daddy was Tuxedo Kamen! It only made sense… But could I tell her? I looked up into her eyes, shining bright with hope, and I couldn't lie to her.

"Sailor Moon isn't in the future." I heard her sharp intake of breath. "But that's because she's the leader I told you about. She becomes the ruler of the world…and my mama."

There is surprise etched across her features, and I wonder for one moment if she is going to reject me. If she is going to laugh it off and say I'm joking. Then she sweeps me in a hug.

"You're my daughter!" The jubilant cry is echoed loudly, as is our giggles. Her eyes turn serious for a split second. "Who's your father?"

I wink. "He still loves you, you know." She laughs, and we dance together. Our hearts are soaring, and we are joyful. We collapse on my bed, and she squeezes my hand.

"So you thought to distance yourself from me, so you would never be born?" she whispers. I nod. "I can't believe you'd think that way! Listen, Chibiusa, I love you. We're going to get through this, somehow."

I prop my head up on my elbow, ecstatic at those three words. "I love you too Mama." Then I frown. "But everything I told you was supposed to be secret. We can't let anyone know you know!"

A frown settles across her face as well. "I suppose we could act like we don't know. I suppose…"

"But when we're alone…we can have fun." I smile, and she does too. Then she raises her head.

"Look! The rain's stopped!" And it's true. Although the water is still high, it has. We curl up on my bed, and fall asleep.

**

* * *

June 25th**

Usagi-chan woke me up around ten. We put on our rain boots and coats, and ran outside. There were huge puddles, and the whole downstairs was soaked.

We didn't care. We were so happy! We ran in puddles, jumped in puddles, and let our boots squelch in the mud.

We clasped hands and swung in circles inside a rather large puddle, screaming with laughter. We were joyous at our secrets, and the fact that we had survived the weather.

"Wow…Kind of makes you wonder if they're sane." We stopped, frozen, and glanced to our right. The girls were all dressed in rain gear, with umbrellas held over their heads. Mamorou-san was smiling, and leaning on a black umbrella.

Usagi and I shared a secretive glance. We would have to put on a good show.

"Usagi no baka almost got us killed!"

"What? You twerp, I totally saved your life by getting you up those stairs!"

And we ended by sticking our tongues out at each other. There was a stunned silence before they laughed. Except for Rei. She smiled at us, and I shivered slightly. I hate it when she does that.

They explained they had come by to make sure we were ok, and to say that our parents had called at the temple and said they would be home later that day. I saw Usagi looking at Mamorou, and we locked eyes.

Soon, our eyes became crossed, and we burst out laughing. The others regarded us weirdly, and we laughed harder. Mamorou seemed shocked that we weren't fighting over him. I remember Mama saying that he needed his ego deflated every few days or so, so I didn't feel bad in the least.

That is, until Usagi and I lost our balance and toppled into the others, causing them to fall over. They said nothing at first, but soon we were laughing. We were all covered in mud, but laughing. Usagi and I leaned against each other, tears streaming down our faces.

Mamorou looked at me oddly, as if to ask what was going on. I smirked, giving him my "That's for em to know and for you to NEVER find out" look. Because, I realized that for the first time in my life, I could see what Usagi really was.

She wasn't my mother, or an angel in disguise. She wasn't Sailor Moon, or Princess Serenity. She wasn't a klutzy teenager, or one who pigged out. No. She was just, Usagi. She was her own category, and living life to the fullest. I decided I knew exactly what I was doing at that moment, no matter what anyone said. I could always look at Usagi and know see her for what she truly is, and know what I was going on about.

For the first time, I was seeing, really seeing.

* * *

Sorry if this confuzzled you, but I love this fic! It makes life a whole lot easier to understand when Chibiusa's around. I hope you all like this fic!


	2. Getting Somewhere

I got a really great response to Seeing, Really Seeing, and thought I'd do this really quickly.  


Disclaimer: See other fanfics and their chapters.

**August 3rd**

My face fell slowly at first, then dropped quickly. A few tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, and my mouth began to quiver.

"Ok, ok, you can come over!"

I smiled gleefully and my sad face immediately disappeared. Mamorou-san ran a finger through his hair and grinned lopsidedly. Usagi-tachi were standing behind me. We were all in front of the arcade, and they were going their separate ways.

"Little brat…" I heard Usagi-chan mutter. I turned around and stuck out my tongue. I could just see her face getting redder, and I smirked.

"You're just sad cause you don't get any ice cream, Usagi-baka!" The other girls shook their heads, and Usagi shook with anger.

Mamorou-san took my hand, "Come on then, we'd better get going." And we turned around and started walking. The girls all left to go home, but Usagi stayed. I twisted around and waved at her. She waved back, and winked.

At Mamorou-san's apartment, we sat down and ordered pizza. (For a future dad, he sure doesn't know you have to say 'no' to me sometimes!)

"Would you like a drink, Chibiusa?" I smiled my best 'I'm not hiding anything!' smile, and I nodded. As soon as he left though, I grabbed the phone and dialed quickly.

"Moshi-moshi!"

I rolled my eyes at the chirpy voice on the other end. "I left the package on your bed, get it and go!"

"Arigatou, Chibiusa-chan!" I hung up quickly as Mamorou-san came into the room with two glasses of soda.

He and I watched a movie, Mononoke-Hime, until the doorbell rang. Mamorou-san went to get his wallet, and I quickly snagged the remote. I'm only seven (Ok, three hundred and seven) years old, but I already know men are SO boorish when it comes to remotes and television.

I can hear Mamorou-san's voice, and I start to wonder. It doesn't take this long to get the pizza and pay, does it? The sound of the door slamming startles me, and I realize that he's not holding a pizza box; instead he is clutching a big brown envelope and a small, poorly wrapped package. I smile inwardly; it is beginning.

"Where's the pizza, Mamorou-san?" I ask innocently. He looks up, and I can see a range of emotions swirling in his eyes.

"That wasn't the pizza man. It was Usako. She gave me something…a present, for my birthday."

I put on an astonished face. "Oh, of course! She told me, but I forgot your present at home, Mamorou-san. I'm sorry, but Happy Birthday!" He smiles.

"Arigatou, Chibiusa-chan. I told her that she didn't have to get me a present though…ever since we broke up…" I immediately scramble over and lead him to sit on the couch.

"But she did anyway! That's really nice, Mamorou-san. Open it!" He looks at the packages warily.

"I don't know."

"Please!" I mouth something to Luna-P, and she turns into the same gun I had threatened Usagi with when I first came. "Or else!" I wave it in the air, and Mamorou-san puts his hands up.

"Peace, peace, I'll open it!"

He says he's not vain, but he knows that I just recently changed my ammunition to this purple ink that doesn't come out for months. I know it makes him sound vain, but he can't be self-centered; have you seen his nasty green jacket? No man obsessed with himself would ever wear such a mockery of clothing.

He opens the smaller package slowly, and I recognize that his hands are shaking slightly. The wrapping paper falls away, and I grin as I realize that it's a pink bunny print.

"Oh, Gods above…"

My attention returns to Mamorou-san, who has whispered the words with such awe and love that, for a moment, I was back in my time, snuggled between my parents.

* * *

"_It's perfect!" Neo-Queen Serenity swung about in a beautiful, full-length silver dress. Its sleeves were like bells, and had a modest V-neck. King Endymion smiled from his position on a couch, Chibiusa next to him._

"_I knew you'd love it, koishii."_

_Chibiusa watched in fascination as her mother's eyes seemed to shine bright, brighter then they ever did, even when she was happy. This, she knew, was love._

* * *

I shook myself from my memories and returned to Mamorou-san, and what had made him gasp so. In his hands lay a perfect, single rose. 

The rose was not red, nor white, nor pink; instead it was a multitude of colors, and they all flew over its clear surface. At Mamorou-san's touch, the colors seemed to stop, and the rose looked as if it were nothing more than clear glass. But then it changed again.

The colors fluttered back to life, and they made a sort of moving picture. A white form, that became more and more distinct from the tint surrounding it, until eventually, it looked like a miniature version of Princess Serenity.

Then a black shape did the same, forming chibi-Endymion. I giggled softly as the two bowed and curtseyed to us, before taking each other in their arms and dancing as if they would never let go. Shades of the rainbow and several other unknown ones flew behind them, twirling and swirling.

I looked over at Mamorou-san and was startled to see he was struggling to hold in tears. As much as I hated to ruin the moment, I knew there was something better coming up.

"Mamorou-san," I spoke, and he looked abruptly at me, as if realizing for the first time I was there. "Maybe we should open the second present."

He hesitated, as if he didn't want to stop looking at the rose.

"You can always take it out later," I suggested softly. He nodded, and put it gently back into the box. This time, he opened the package as if it were some sort of valuable crystal treasure. Sheaves of paper are pulled out, and I can tell he is confused.

"Read them." My tone is commanding, surprising myself, but he has already started. A gasp leaves his lips.

"What is it?" I know already, but I want him to know fully. He looks up, then back down, and begins to read out loud.

_Tsukino-san,_

_In reply to your request about information on one Chiba Mamorou,_

_And due to your private detectives,_

_We have uncovered several records previously lost to us._

_They are his parents' social security records,_

_His birth certificate,_

_And many other items we thought worth your time._

_It has come to light that you have been working with us for_

_Exactly one year now, and we would like to thank you _

_For your patience and donations to our foundation_

Mamorou-san put the paper down and read another gold-trimmed sheet. His birth certificate. "Chiba Mamorou, born the third of August in Okinawa. Parents: Chiba Akina and Chiba Kin." Something fluttered down from the pages, and he picked it up.

This time, the tears fell freely and quickly. It was a picture.

A woman sat on a bright red blanket. She had long black hair with purple streaks, and gray eyes. She wore a simple green sundress, and her face was creased in a smile. Her hat, a large straw one, had blown away. A man kneeled next to her. His hair was a lighter black, almost brown, and he had deep blue eyes. He wore gray slacks and a gray sweatshirt. On his shoulders sat a little boy with black hair and blue eyes. The boy was reaching for the hat, his fingers barely brushing the tip of it as it swirled away.

I realized Mamorou-san was sobbing loudly, and with wild abandon. His head was in his arms, and I crawled over to him.

"What is it, Mamorou-san?"

He didn't lift his head up as he spoke. "Why—Why would this happen to me? She was perfect…so perfect…and I let her go because of some stupid dreams! I would go through all the pain in the world if I could be with her…"

I grinned, and he didn't notice. This was perfect… "Mamorou-san, then go apologize to her! She's the most forgiving person ever, she'll say it's ok!"

He shook his head. "You don't understand, Chibiusa-chan, it's not ok! She's been hurt so much by me!"

I threw my hands in the air. "But she'll welcome you back with open arms!" He looked up at me, astonished at my outburst.

"She still loves you, and the Gods know you love her! So go to her, beg a little, and she'll sure as heck say it's ok! Gods above, I'm seven and I know that!"

Ok, so maybe I spent a little too much time with Rei-chan…but if these people didn't get together, forget about me being born! Thus, I had to be forceful. At that moment, however, Mamorou-san stiffened, and I realized immediately he must have felt Usagi-chan transform.

"Er, sorry about that, Mamorou-san, but you know what? I told Megumi I'd meet her at the arcade, and I totally forgot. Think about what I said, but I gotta go, ok? Bye!"

I'm sure he was staring before the door slammed, but I was gone. I hid the bushes, and sure enough, a moment later a masked man in a tuxedo jumped off a balcony and began running down the street.

"Cool…" I whispered. Luna-P hovered next to me, and beeped urgently. I smiled.

"Yeah, sure, why not? Ice cream is a heroine's treat! Let me tell you, this was the most tiring job I've ever had to do!"

Luna-P beeped again and my smile grew wider. "Ok, I'm sure Megumi will be home. We can go have ice cream together! But you have to promise not to knock over the tub, ok?"

I looked around, and when I was sure no one was watching, whispered something to Luna-P. In a moment, a red mini-Ferrari was standing in front of me. I jumped in, and quickly started the car.

"Yahoo!" I cried, as I careened down the street. Maybe a shape-shifting cat-like ball isn't a great present for those without a sense of responsibility…

As demonstrated when seconds later, I ran around the same street corner with Luna-P clutched in my hands and an angry policeman on my tail.

Maybe next time, I'll take the bus…

This is the last chapter of this fic…so sad… Well, I hope you liked it! I put a bit of humor in there…

**Eelie: **No more chapters? Are you sure?

**Me: **Me write more of this? Are you kidding? You of all people should know about how much work I have to do on the other fics!

(SILENCE)

**Me:** Damn you. I'll consider another one...But only by request! (A?N: This last conversation was the result of an arguement between me and Nikki-chan. She wants more, I said no...your turn now!)  



End file.
